I have to apologize for a terrible thing I did this weekend!  Let me start off by saying that I am not known for my skills in the kitchen.  In fact, I’m probably better known for my lack of skill in the kitchen.  I love to have people over for dinner but chances are really really high that I will freak out the day you are coming and either move that dinner to a restaurant or just order pizza.  And on the one occasion that I told myself to suck it up and cook something for our guests I began apologizing to them as soon as they walked in the door.  I told them if it was nasty we were prepared to get in the car and take them to get some good food at a restaurant.  And even throughout the meal I still apologized after they said it was good because I knew they must be lying.  So, not only do I not cook very well I also have a cooking self-esteem issue as well.

So this is probably why my husband thought the diet coke had gotten to my brain again when I told him I (we) were going to make Parker’s birthday cake for his party this past weekend.  Now to some of you “creative” and “domestic” types you’re probably saying, “So, what.  What’s the big deal?”  Well, re-read the first part of this post. . . I don’t have ANY kitchen skills!  However, I was determined not only to make my son a birthday cake but a wolf cake (his request) and to take it even further I decided to make a milk, egg, and nut free cake so that Griffin and Parker’s friend Ellie could also enjoy it.  I’ve never made a birthday cake before but I wanted it to look like a professional did it.  So, I went out and purchased a 52 piece cake decorating kit, cake boards, parchment paper, icing spreaders and all of the ingredients.  I purchased a cake pan that I think you would call a half-sheet size.  The big one.  So, Friday afternoon I began working on my masterpiece.  I made the cake and got it out of the oven.  Success number one.  It wasn’t burnt.  Then came the task of trying to figure out how in the world to get this massive cake flipped onto the cake board without it crumbling into pieces.  By some miraculous act of God I even managed to get it perfectly onto the board.  Then came the decorating time.  I iced it and had it half-way decorated and Big Daddy was supposed to draw (with icing) the wolf on the cake.  After all he is the artist in the family!  It was his birthday too and all so I guess it was rude to ask him to decorate a cake at 11pm on his birthday night.  So, instead we came up with another idea to make some dirt and water and then go buy some animals (not real ones) and put them on the cake.    Parker was having his party at Cabela’s (it’s an outdoor sporting goods store for those who don’t know) so we tried to make the cake look like one of the displays there.  All in all, it wasn’t perfection but I was just pleased it wasn’t falling apart or too lopsided.

Then came the glorious moment where everyone ate the cake.  I served it and it appeared to be ok as I was putting it on the plates.  Then after everyone was served I got my piece that I had been anxiously awaiting to try.  OH MY!!  This is where the apologies come in.  The cake tasted like PLAYDOUGH!!!!!  It was awful.  I was dry heaving inside my head (I didn’t want to be too obvious).  I looked around the room and our poor guests were trying to stomach it but I know they wanted to barf!  I checked the trash can and it looked like most people took a few bites of the cake and then just ate the icing.  We’ve had professional bakers make this cake before for Griffin’s parties and it always tastes good.  I don’t know how that Playdough flavoring got into mine!  I just have to apologize to all of the dear people (and you know who you are) who so lovingly tried to eat my cake and managed to not throw up on the carpet in Cabela’s.  And. . . our dear friend and pastor, Brandon even ate some!  And he had to preach a few hours later!  I could have ruined the whole weekend at Keystone by poisoning our pastor with my playdough cake!  Thankfully, God is gracious and somehow must have spared Brandon’s stomach from the wrath of the playdough cake because this weekend at Keystone was awesome!

So, I have the 52 piece cake decorating set and I really wanted to be good at this.  Next time (Bill said there won’t be a next time), I will cut myself a piece of cake first and try it before I serve it to the crowd.  Then, when it tastes awful I will whip out the cake I purchased from the store as a back-up and serve it instead!  If anyone knows how to “domesticate” me I’m willing to take lessons!

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