What to Say
Posted on February 28th, 2012.I’ve started a new blog post and deleted it about 15 times. So I decided to just start with telling you about me starting the post and deleting it. That’s a start at least. 
I’m finding myself speechless these days with what to say when I come to blog. I’m not sure if it’s because I feel completely and totally 150% emotionally drained with nothing left to pour out onto the keyboard or because I miss my kids at home so much it is physically painful. Surely it couldn’t be from lack of topics to write about. My husband seems to be on a roll with putting our feelings into beautiful words so I’m just going to let him keep doing that and I’ll just give you my word vomit and be done for the night.
Yesterday was full of so many good “high’s” with Eliana and then today took a nose dive in the other direction. It ended with us having to have our guides come in and have a talk with her with us. Our guide was trying to hide her tears and she would turn her head to wipe them because her heart was so hurt for us. Tonight was just another reminder of the huge task before us. We have 14 years of an iron wall being constructed around a little girl’s heart that we must chisel away at. Sometimes it feels like we’re chiseling with a toothpick. We will get there though. Someday the hard protective shell around her heart will be gone and it will only be because of Jesus. I am humbled and honored that He would let me be a part of teaching His child about His great love.
Tonight I feel overwhelmed but not surprised. Hurt but not disappointed. Sadness but still joyful. Frustration but love. This is a marathon. I keep saying it just to remind myself. We are teaching a child how to receive love who has no concept of what love is. I don’t have any answers or magical words, though I wish I did. I’m thankful however, I have the Holy Spirit who will continue to guide us, direct us, give us wisdom and teach us how to love Eliana in the way she needs it most. He is faithful to continue the work He has begun until COMPLETION. He will complete this work in her heart.
Tonight I go to bed feeling empty of so many things but the three that remain… faith, hope and love.
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Until completion.
There is authority in those words. You speaking that over your daughter. Over your relationship. Over her life. That’s claiming truth for her. And that is powerful. That is love, from you to her. You hope the best for her. And that is love, from you to her. You believe for her heart. And that is love, from you to her. I am reading a whole lot of love. <3
Hang in there. It is a roller-coaster of ups and downs. Each passing month, things get easier. One year from now you will look back and see just how far you have come.
Continuing to pray for you all daily. HE is worthy…. Of every ounce of energy & every tear shed. And He is faithful. Keep trusting & being obedient. You are truly heroes in the faith.
I have no wisdom, but many prayers and much encouragement to offer. I know you’re equipped. In your weakness, He is strong. Love you and looking forward to seeing this beautiful love story unfold.
Praying for you! Praying for her for trust.
I just love you guys – praying for Eliana’s heart to open up to you in trust, and for the walls to come down. You’re right about the marathon view, girl! You can do it! Keep on keepin’ on, warrior princess!!!
Hey! I’m not sure if you guys have been able to read any of the Empowered to Connect resources that we’ve been using, but I encourage y’all to check them out. I hope they can be a stepping stone for you guys in this journey!! We’ll keep praying for your sweet family!